SELF-CARE WHEN YOUR LOVED ONE IS BATTLING CANCER
Taking care of yourself when a loved one is battling cancer may seem like to least important thing to do on your to-do list, but it is actually the most significant. As a caregiver, it is your responsibility to take good care of yourself, both physically and emotionally, in order to provide the best possible support to the patient.
It may be easy to overlook your personal health when you have to juggle doctors’ appointments and medication schedules, but neglecting your own well-being can have negative consequences. By prioritizing self-care, you can ensure that you are in the best possible position to provide the necessary care and support to your loved one.
Below is a checklist to assist you in evaluating your well-being in the 3 main areas of wellness:
PHYSICAL WELL-BEING
It is important to be aware of any signs of physical discomfort or illness, especially during times of distraction or preoccupation.
- Maintain a balanced diet and avoid excessive consumption of sugar and processed foods. Food provides energy for the body, and energy is necessary to sustain strength and determination.
- Ensure regular and sufficient sleep, as lack of sleep weakens the immune system and can contribute to various health issues.
- Incorporate power naps into your routine, as cancer and its treatments can cause changes that may disrupt your sleep.
- Stay active and avoid becoming sedentary. Even walking can be considered exercise and can be beneficial for both the patient and caregiver.
- Get enough sun exposure, as the body needs vitamin D to reduce inflammation, boost immune function, and regulate cellular processes. Studies have also suggested that vitamin D can help to reduce cancer cell growth.
EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING
Emotional health is often the first aspect of well-being to be compromised, and therefore requires conscious effort to maintain.
- Allow for moderate consumption of fatty and sugary foods, which can help boost mood and provide a temporary sense of comfort.
- Carve out time for solitude without feeling guilty, as it can be a valuable opportunity to recharge.
- Keep busy with trivial tasks to maintain balance and provide a sense of relief from the stress of cancer treatment. For example, planning a birthday celebration or a trip can help occupy the mind and provide a positive distraction.
- Avoid succumbing to guilt, as it can be a powerful emotion that often arises during times of stress. Recognize and dispute negative self-talk to minimize the impact of guilt on emotional well-being
- Maintain control over anxiety: while it is normal to feel anxious during difficult times, it is important to avoid letting anxiety take over. Along with taking care of your physical health, incorporating meditation and relaxation techniques can be beneficial.
SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING
Regardless of whether or not you are religious, spirituality can play a significant role in your life during challenging times
- Utilize meditation to enhance your spirituality. Embracing acceptance can build inner strength, as cancer often presents questions without clear answers.
- Practice mindfulness, which involves being present and grounded in the moment. Staying focused on the present can be a powerful defense against anxiety, as cancer may cause your mind to fixate on future events beyond your control.
- When feeling overwhelmed, seek solace in something greater than yourself, such as a higher power or the natural world. Recognizing the vastness of the universe can bring comfort, reminding us of our limited control over things.
- Connect with nature. Observing the beauty and resilience of the natural world can be a humbling experience, reminding us of the power of life and its ability to regenerate despite challenges
SIGNS THAT CANCER IN YOUR LOVED ONE IS CAUSING YOU ANXIETY
VOLATILE MOOD
If you are excessively irritable and sometimes display raging anger, you are likely experiencing underlying anxiety.
The uncertainty associated with a diagnosis of cancer is often very difficult to bear, because no matter what is done the good news are not guaranteed. As a result, we are buried in a sea of worries that can sometimes become so out of control that the act of worrying can also become a source of worries as well.
Obvious signs are fits of anger that are disproportionate to the situation and that are uncharacteristic of your personality.
You may not be aware of it, but the others (other family members and friends) will, and therefore it is important to acknowledge their opinion.
POOR SLEEP
Nightime is often the most dreaded time of the day, because with cancer anything can happen such an emergency or a serious problem with the patient.
As it is the only time that we “unplug” so to speak from it all, we may feel disarmed and weak; it is as if our being “unplugged” threatens the patient’s survival.
As a result, sleep is hard to come by, or if it does, it does not last for long.
In this condition, you may experience short periods of sleep throughout the night during which you fall in deep sleep for a few minutes at a time. This type of sleep is not restful or regenerative, as the waking is usually abrupt.
You may also experience panic attacks during the night, seemingly out of the blue. They often are the result of an accumulation of sleep debts and growing anxiety.
For my part, I had great difficulty falling asleep, because I dreaded the one phone call you never want to have, and that kept me up at night until early in the morning. Somehow, I did not have that fear during the day, it only came to me at night.
POOR EATING HABIT
Cancer is a demanding disease, as it involves multiple doctor’s appointments, long waits, and extra personal care for the patient. Consequently, we often sacrifice certain aspects of our life to make more time for the patient.
Eating is typically one of the things we sacrifice, which results in the adoption of very bad eating habits. For example, we might eat at odd hours of the day, or we might eat unhealthy or non-nutritional food items while outside on our errands.
Compounding that is the effects of mood on eating as we too may struggle with the ups and downs of moods associated with living with cancer. There might be days when we feel despondent or beat, others when we feel anger and rage, and others yet when we are extremely worried.
Those mood swings in turn contribute to loss of appetite or binge eating, which causes havoc to your health and exacerbate anxiety.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
~ Be mindful of extreme changes in yourself
~ Be prepared mentally to go through an emotional rollercoaster throughout your loved-one’s struggle with cancer. There will be a succession of good days and bad days – sometimes one after the other – and therefore it is important to check in with yourself.
~ When your life is starting to turn chaotic, reserve some time for your self during which you can meditate or exercise.
~ Give yourself some time during the day to “unplug” from it all. (It is easier to do during the day than at night). During that time, read a book, go for a walk, watch a good movie. That is your time to recharge
~ Release negative emotions. Cry if you have to, but not in front of the cancer patient. if you have pent-up anger, punch a bag, run a sprint, or scream your lungs out.
CANCER-RELATED CATHARSIS
In the face of a cancer diagnosis, many mixed emotions are aroused that we may not even be aware of. Guilt, anger, rage, despair, terror and anxiety are among the many emotions that cancer could awaken in both the patient and their loved-ones, but often times they never come to the surface.
Indeed, we often repress them, because we must be or at least appear strong, and expressing those emotions would only make us appear weak. But repressed emotions are like a pressure-cooker; if you don’t let the steam out it will eventually burst out in a sort of explosion, which is more damaging.
Therefore, it is important to check in with yourself from time to time and release any emotional load you might have accumulated.
EMOTIONAL RELEASE
This is where mindfulness comes in. The goal is to notice what is happening within your body, accept it, and feel it fully, without censure.
Through mindfulness, you bring those feelings and emotions to the surface where they can be exposed and analyzed:
~ Sit still for few minutes with your eyes closed. Listen to your body and become curious.
~ What does your body feel like right now? Do you feel tightness or pressure? How is your overall energy level? Do you feel drained or lifeless?
~ Focus on those feelings and try to uncover their roots. Ask yourself, “What is causing me to feel that way?”
Remember that e-motion is energy in motion, and therefore emotions involve the build-up of some energy that must be pushed out. Emotions can only be handled one way and that is through its expression.
Without trying to control it, let that energy burst out in whatever shape it takes, be it crying, yelling, or kicking a pillow, just let it go.
Emotions are like a storm, once it passes everything becomes quiet and peaceful.
Now, it is time to hit the reset button. You rid yourself of this negative energy that was weighing on you and now you feel lighter and your thoughts are clearer and more organized.
Taking a short nap at this stage is always a good idea to help your body and mind heal and re-energize.
Checking in with yourself on a regular basis and practicing mindfulness will help you recognize this build up of negative energy early enough to take action.
RULEBOOK OF FACING A CANCER DIAGNOSIS
For family members of cancer patients
- A cancer diagnosis affects two groups of people: the patient and his close family.
- Close family or loved ones are the patient’s emotional compass.
- Their main role is to manufacture positive emotions, even when they feel hopelessness or despair.
- They must maintain optimism at all time for both the patient and themselves, even if it is unrealistic.
- They must be armed with the kind of patience than could only be bestowed on God.
- They must maintain a pre-cancer routine for the patient for as long as possible. Remember, that routine is the patient’s only safe place away from cancer.
- They must practice laughter and not avoid it out of guilt.
- They must fight their anger with all their might and keep stress in the patient’s home to a minimum. Remember the patient is already juggling an enormous amount of stress from the cancer.
- They must live by Cicero’s famous quote, “While there’s life, there’s hope.”
- They must take great care of their physical and mental health. They must raise their mental health self-awareness
- Lastly, they must continue to live their own life.
I love you dad and I miss you.